In my dreams
by The IssMoo
Summary: The poor boy Feliciano's village gets plundered, burned down to the ground and Feliciano gets raped. He escapes, sad and terrified but has to pay a price. Because the snow doesn't let you pass without something in return. In the end, he wishes to forget everything, and his wish comes true. But, without memories it's hard to tell what is dream and reality. Itacest, Yaoi (boy x boy)
1. Chapter 1

**Hello~! I'm Isaodra and this is the first chapter of "In my dreams". Enjoy! 8D**

_Edit: _  
_I've fixed some typos. _

* * *

He let out a shaky breath, the cold air bit into his naked body. The boy couldn't take a step further. He shivered, tears falling down his cheeks. White clouds were formed in front of his mouth every time he took a new breath, but they slowly faded away. He stopped breathing. His mouth was dry.

It was hopeless now. He shouldn't be able to survive.

He wanted to go home. Mom would make that delicious pasta. Ludwig would come to play football with him.

This didn't happen, it just couldn't be true. It was a lie. It was all a lie.

He closed his eyes.

'Let me forget. Please, let me forget.' he begged to god.

. . .

. . .

. . .

Did god even exist?

With that question in mind he slumped down into the snow, the coldness crawling deep into his heart.

And so, he cast the spell over himself.

Within ourself there is a god. A god different from everybody else's.

The god gains your deepest, most powerful wishes.

You might not think so, but the god is you. The soul within the body.

* * *

_The hazel eyes of the man opened. Slowly, slowly he got used to the light. High grass surrounded him and he had flowers in his hair. It was spring he noticed, and the sky was blue. What a wonderful sight. But.  
What was he doing there? The questions ran through his mind. But he slowly forgot them when he sat up and saw the whole field in front of him. It was beautiful. A big field with high grass that continued down to a small river. There was a little red house on the other side of the river.  
"Oi! Feliciano! Let's go home you bastard!" someone said. Feliciano turned his head to see a brunette man, with slightly tanned skin, holding a basket with red, delicious tomatoes..´So Feliciano is my name.´ he thought to himself.  
"Lovino.." He didn't know why but for some reason he knew this person's name. Lovino sighed and helped him up.  
"Come on bastard. Let's go." he said and started dragging Feliciano towards the river. Feliciano followed him, utterly confused. _

_When they came down to the river Feliciano saw a bridge about fifty meters away and Lovino led him along the river towards the small bridge. It was old and he almost slipped as he walked over it, but Lovino prevented him from falling. He held the other man's hand tighter. _

_After walking across the bridge Lovino led him towards the red house instead. Feliciano only followed him. For some reason he trusted this person deeply.  
They walked inside the house, into a very small hall. On the floor stood two pair of boots. Lovino didn't seem to bother taking off his shoes and just dragged Feliciano into a kitchen. He finally let go of Feliciano's hand and lit a candle on the kitchen table.  
"Hey. Feliciano. Cook for me. I'm starving." he commanded. Feliciano blinked in confusion. Cook what? He looked around in the kitchen. The only thing he could make was pasta, and a few sauces. He didn't remember who taught him to make those though. When he thought about it, there wasn't many things he remembered. _

_He looked around in the kitchen. _

"_Veh... D-do you have pasta?" he asked quietly. Lovino stared weirdly at him.  
"... You know we always have pasta...," Lovino said while still staring at him weirdly.  
"I-I do? I-I mean, where is it?" Feliciano looked around in the kitchen.  
"What do you mean..? You always know where it is..." Lovino frowned and walked up to the slightly terrified Feliciano, taking his face into his hands.  
"Are you all right? You're acting strange..." he said softly and caressed his rosy cheek gently.  
Feliciano calmed down slightly but was still confused.  
"N-no, I'm fine..." he said quietly. Lovino sighed.  
"You sure?" Feliciano nodded.  
The other man let go of his face.  
"I'll help you with the cooking this time," he murmured and Feliciano nodded again.  
"Thank you."_

_While they ate there was awkward silence hanging in the air and Feliciano felt very uncomfortable._  
_He wanted to be alone and think things over. He looked at Lovino, before letting out a small sigh._  
_"Lovino?"_  
_"Hn?" Lovino looked up from his plate, green eyes looking into Feliciano's._  
_"Can I go outside for a moment?"_  
_Lovino blinked._  
_What was he going to do outside?_  
_"Are you feeling all right?"_  
_Feliciano nodded._  
_"Yes. I just need some fresh air," he explained. Now it was Lovino's turn to nod._  
_"Okay. But be back in a few minutes."_  
_"Yes."_

_He didn't know he was lying.  
_

* * *

**_Please tell me what you think!_**


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2 is done~! Yay! Well, I have other fanfictions I need to update, so the next chapter might take more time then this one. Just "might". Because I might end up writing on this one anyway. XD **

**Well, enjoy~! **

* * *

Black.

Feliciano opened his eyes. He stared up at the white ceiling.

Where was he now?

The last thing he remembered was walking outside, into the forest. He had been sitting under a large tree for awhile. Now he didn't know.

"Shit! Belle! He's awake!" someone hissed next to him. He knew that voice.  
"Lovino...?" Feliciano didn't get an answer and when he tilted his head to see Lovino's face he found two wide green eyes staring back at him, and a blond girl staring at him with just as wide eyes as Lovino.  
He looked at them for awhile before asking, "What happened?"  
Both Lovino and the girl frowned. The girl spoke.  
"Lovino here found you out in the snow. You were almost dead," she said.  
Lovino nodded. "Y-yeah. You should be damn glad that you passed out near my house," he added with a soft snort.

Feliciano blinked.

In the snow? But it was summer?

Right?

He looked around for a window, finding one on the other side of the bed. He looked out between the green curtains.

There was indeed lots of snow there. The only thing you could see was snow.  
Feliciano took a deep breath of cold air.

"Where am I?" he asked quietly, more to himself than to Lovino and the girl.

Lovino answered.  
"At my house."  
That wasn't really what Feliciano wanted to hear.  
He sat up, trying to get out of the bed, but both Lovino and the girl stopped him.  
"Where do you think you're going bastard!?" Lovino shouted.  
Feliciano flinched, with a grimace lying down in the bed again. Lovino sighed.

"First, before you go anywhere..." he paused, "Why... How do you know my name?"  
Feliciano blinked.  
"Veh... But.. We were together... Before.." Feliciano couldn't explain.

Was that a dream? Was this a dream? He was confused.

Lovino raised an eyebrow at Feliciano's confused expression.  
"We were together? I don't even know your name," he stated and fondled his arms.  
Feliciano frowned. "Eh?"

The girl patted Lovino's shoulder and whispered something into his ear.  
Lovino nodded with a little snort and stood up, walking out through the wooden door.  
The young man in the bed blinked.

"...?" The girl gave him a smile.  
"I'm Belle," she said cheerfully. Feliciano nodded.  
"I'm... Feliciano.. I think," he said, frowning. Belle tilted her head.  
"You think..? What do you mean?"  
He sighed.  
"I... I'm not sure.." said Feliciano and held his hands over his eyes.  
They sat like that for awhile.  
"You... You don't remember..?" Belle finally asked and Feliciano nodded.  
She smiled and stroked his hair. Belle was a sweet girl after all.  
The young man in the bed moved his hands away from his face and looked at her. Belle sighed softly.  
"I'm sorry for Lovino's behaviour. He's usually like that," she said.  
Feliciano nodded.

"It's okay." He knew.

* * *

Breakfast to the poor boy was soon served and Feliciano ate happily.

He hadn't realized how hungry he was until now.  
Lovino had been making pizza and it tasted great. He didn't seem to like being praised though.

Apparently Feliciano had been sleeping for two days. That was strange, because to him it had only felt like a few hours.

After the meal Belle told Feliciano to go to sleep again, but, no matter how hard he tried he just couldn't fall asleep.  
Day soon became night and Feliciano sat in his bed, looking out through the window.  
It was getting colder in the room as it got darker and the young man in the bed began shaking. He crawled down under the blanket, but it still wasn't warm enough.

Feliciano wasn't tired at all, and he didn't feel comfortable in the bed.  
The cold on his skin felt familiar and he wondered, exactly what had he been doing out in the snow. If now what Lovino said was true.  
He didn't want to believe this was the real world. The dream (Or was it reality?) he had earlier made him feel.. happier. He liked it better there.

It was somewhere around here he decided that the field, summer and sun, the house by the river and the Lovino who knew him was reality. Where he was now was only a dream.

It was now he decided.

* * *

The door to his bedroom creaked open and... Lovino peeked in.  
"Belle walked home.. Why aren't you sleeping bastard?" he said quietly after seeing that Feliciano was awake.

Feliciano looked at him.  
"Can't sleep," he whispered.  
Lovino sighed and stepped in, closing the door behind him.  
"I'll sleep with you then," he said quietly and crawled down in the bed next to Feliciano.  
Feliciano looked surprised but allowed him to do so.  
"Sleep now..." Lovino demand and closed his eyes.

Feliciano stared at him, before he too closed his eyes. He suddenly felt sleepy.  
"Good night.." he whispered and slowly, as the snow fell outside the window, drifted into a deep sleep.

And he was back again.

* * *

**Dun dun dun!  
Next chapter will be in the other world again. 83  
****Please review! **


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